proud parent moment 2:)

Just a few days ago my son and I went to an amusement park. The lines were long, the sun was hot, so finally, when it was our turn to ride, my son said: "I'm not going!"

"Yes, you are", - he heard from me. "NO, mommy, no, I can't!" "We made it here, you're going!"
"Please, mommy, don't make me, I'm not going" And so on for 15 minutes.

My son heard it all from me that morning at the entry to the Ride. "You're going or we're leaving",
"GO!!!", "So, you're only brave playing playstation?!", "You made me come here all the way and now... this?", "What am I going to do now?!"

To all these he simply said: "Mommy, I'm not going."

A staff person asked him what was going on, and explained to him: "This ride does not go upside down, don't you worry, buddy" My son agreed to try the ride at once! He looked at me and noted, see, I was afraid to go upside down! "You would not think I'd make you?!" I said to no avail...

That's how, lost in a battle of "my way or highway", I never asked my kid a question "why?"
:)

Genuinnes and Spontanneity coupled with healthy motivation

Thinking of the post about kind words ...
Eyes, gestures, tone of voice, may mean more sometimes then the actual words. Actually babies can perceive only that, since they don't understand the words.
So I suspect the younger the children are the more sensitive they are to our true internal attitude rather then reaction that we manufacture in "educational" purposes.

It is much more difficult, I believe, to alter your body language than rehearse and shoot the proper words. Spontaneous genuine expression with love, care, respect, open mindedness motivated by desire to help the child to flourish into their own personality rather than sculpting our ideal goes a long long way.

The expression can be wordless and yet more effective. Comes to mind an old saying that parents teach by their own example .
So, if we want our kids to be : healthy, confident, enthusiastic, curious, open minded, self-sufficient, happy, behaving naturally, not shy to be who they are, with healthy self-esteem, no arrogance and not afraid to make mistakes or look foolish, we need to develop these qualities in ourselves.

But how to do that? This is a bigger discussion but I think ironically, it starts with relaxing into who we already are as opposed to struggling to become "better".
Trusting that we are worthy and capable individuals. We do not have to pretend to be smarter, stronger, more skillful then we already are. We can be weak, might not know many things, and be helpless at times. But the key is to be OK with all that and try not to cover up and look "good". That's the real strength and courage.

I believe setting that example would be much more effective in helping children to be happy and successful adults then giving them lots of goal oriented and competing skills.

Recently my son admitted to his classmates, who were passing a harmless snake to each other, that he doesn't want to touch it because he is afraid of snakes. I hope he stays that courageous.

on (music) lessons

"If you don't practice your violin (flute, trumpet, piano...), there will be no lessons anymore!"
There are two general kinds of response to this "promise": "Whatever!" or "Please, mommy, don't take me out of my trumpet (bassoon, clarinet) class!"

Most parents that I talked to would cancel classes in this situation. Some would then move on to a next thing, try to battle with their child over practice, effort, motivation, and then cancel again.

I always wondered, how many classes or activities an average child would "sail" through in the course of his or her childhood? Who would decide on the interest that "needs" pursuing: a parent or a child? Should we impose educational or recreational commitments on our kids, or is it better to let them look around, become interested (or not) in something, explore it and, may be, ask us for help and support in learning more?

With my two kids i had a chance to respond differently to each of them when time came to decide on the "future" of the lessons. One of them was fine with stopping the classes, even though she was the one who begged me to start. Another begged me not to stop! My idea of "no practice - no lessons" prevailed first time that we stopped his lessons. I say first time, because then we started again! This time it required an adjustment of my attitude towards practice. Seeing my kid who wanted to take this class with this favourite teacher, made me "break down".
I told myself that whether or not he practices, we will continue with the lessons, because it was beneficial to my son's education! It was me who had to change! He continued happily taking his lessons and in the end of the year we played a duet together at his recital.

If this experience taught me anything, it is that our approaches are different for each child, and that things change, and it is good to be accepting. In my case, it was a change in my own attitude!

proud parent moment 1 :)

My teenage son saw me peeling the GPS off the car windshield and throwing it on his lap. Yes, I was driving...The GPS was a "surprise" from my loving husband. Only I was in a bad mood and cared not to have it block half of the window...

My son said "How come we did not leave earlier?"
"I was having a good time on computer, besides is not 30 min enough to do whatever it is we're going to do?"
"Fine, I'll walk home then, let me out!"
"Oh, no!! I'll drive you home!"
"Just let me out!"
"No!"
Already half way home.
"OK, let's go! I'll manage, turn around!!" "No! You ask you get!!" "Please mom, turn around, it's OK!"
"Oh, NO!! Be careful what you wish for! You wanted home, go home, I'm not a driver here -
turn around-shmaround!! Home!"
"I don't want to be in a car with you mom!"
"Don't worry, you're NOT in a car with me! Not yet! You have much work to do to be in a car with me!"
"What do you mean mom??" "Work! Much work before you can be in my car!"

("This is MY train!" anyone? - right, it's from "The Ghost")

He flew out of the seat, onto the driveway and into the house. Slammed the door in the process.
I left.
When back in 45 min, first words I hear "Sorry mom"
---
"Sorry mom"
---
"Ma, you hear? Sorry, you forgive me?"
"Sure" "I'm really sorry mom, OK?"
"Sure, what's new?"
Eye-roll, leave, stomp downstairs.